7th July 2009

Well, I don't seem to be complaining quite as much. It still feels 'weird' and 'unreal' but I'm managing to put up with it. I just want to be able to sleep on my side, that is my greatest wish now. I can't see it happening for many more weeks or perhaps months - it feels so awful when I try. I am seeing the surgeon on Friday for a final checkup. I wonder what he'll have to say.

7 weeks? 8 weeks? Back to work

First day back at work. Survived it but got very tired. Hate sleeping on my back. Everything is still sore but I have to admit I do feel a lot better now.

Hot flushes and sleeping on my back

I am so fed up. I've been sleeping on my back for 5 weeks. I did try lying on my side, but the horrible swollen lumpy things under my arms and towards my back get in the way. If I lie on them, it's like a nerve in your tooth getting cold water on it, only in the lumpy bits. 

I wake up at some stage every night - several times. Either from a hot flush, or from a sore back caused by sleeping on it. I have to get up, take 2 Panadol and stay up until my back stops hurting.

Everything feels awful, unnatural and full of nerves that hurt and jump if touched. I can't imagine it all feeling normal again.

The G.P. debrided the last of the dead black skin. It was good to get rid of it. He said it was very 'adherent' and probably would not have fallen off of its own accord for weeks. He also pulled out a piece of  'fishing line' that was not going to dissolve.

I got very tired by about 1.30pm again but I didn't lie down. 

Worn out by lunchtime and hot flushes

Although I must admit to feeling a bit better, I am worn out by lunchtime every day and just can't do any more after that time.

Now I am getting hot flushes in the middle of the night that last half an hour. It has to be related to the surgery. 

Day 28

I feel so fed up. A short walk left my legs tired and weak. I have to keep changing the dressings due to continued slight bleeding and infection on the surface. I would never have believed that after a month things would not have healed over. I don't actually have a right nipple any more. It has shrunk to almost nothing and the area is concave and sunken. I will not be getting it fixed though, no more operations for me. I don't care how bad it looks, it's staying like that. I feel like there are balloons tied to me, that's how swollen everything is, and how much fluid is being retained in the area. I suppose it could still be bleeding inside, and it takes time for this fluid to go away. It is painful and depressing. Not being able to do a little bit of casual work is hard on my brain too, I feel like life has no purp0se. Goodness knows when I will feel like working again. I'm sure it will be many weeks. I can't do any housework other than washing the dishes, I can't bend over to pick things up, I can't carry things or hang out washing. I have the loungeroom couch made up as a 'day sick bed' and I go and lie down there and watch TV when I get exhausted. I bet this operation has given me such a shock I won't have as long a life as I might have. 

A good forum

I would encourage anyone with questions to visit this forum.

http://www.breasthealthonline.org/cgi-bin/mwf/forum_show.pl

Today, the 27th day, I got quite tired while walking a short distance, had trouble with the tightness and swelling and couldn't sleep properly on my back last night. 

I bought a bra and tried to wear it and even though it was quite loose, it caused the incision line on the left side to open up again and bleed, so I won't be doing that again. 

Debrided

15th June, 26th day. Almost a month. The G.P. decided to cut off the necrotic black skin. This was a really good idea. I feel so much better now. It even looks better though it's missing a couple of layers of skin and it's all pus-ey. At least I never have to look at the dead stuff again. The G.P. said no new skin will grow under necrotic skin as there's no light or air getting to it.