Home

It was a relief to get rid of those drains. I felt a lot more free to move about, except that the tight feeling was awful. I was scared to look at my gown because of the blood but it did start to dry up after a few hours. 

I was to go home, even though I was still totally zonked out by the oxycodone. 

So I got driven home, and on the way stopped at a cafe for fried eggs on toast and capuccino, and it's a wonder they didn't call in the Drug Squad. Maybe it was a nice cafe for bogan junkies. 

At home I was so exhausted I couldn't sleep. After you have been sleep-deprived for days and days, you often cannot settle any more, so I had to take a sleeping pill. I eventually fell asleep at about midnight, and slept 'til 8am, which was good. I hope that I will get more and more sleep as the days go by.

I still have to sleep on my back. But my own bed is soft, so back-sleeping doesn't hurt. It is so nice to have my own pillow.

I told the dogs I couldn't take them for a walk, but if they'd self-walk, then I'd take them to the beach and they could do that. In my dressing gown, I drove the 1 km to the beach and let them out of the car. They took themselves for a nice trot. It was great to look out at the blue sparkling sea and the green grass on the cliff tops. I felt weak and tired and shaky, but I did it for them, as they hadn't been out in a week.

I don't know if I will think it was worthwhile in the future. We'll have to wait and see.

At the moment, I wish to God I had never got it done.

I have been so sick, I wouldn't be surprised if it's taken years off my life. My nerves are shattered. I feel a wreck.